What are we balancing?
Something that dominates my parent head, almost constantly, is finding that balance between not squashing and crushing a child’s confidence, creativity, imagination, curiosity, or damn right fun, but still installing some kind of social decorum.
People tell me I’m ‘too relaxed’ or ‘too soft’ with my boys. Is that really such a bad thing?
Some would say “if you’re not strict, and if you don’t discipline your children, they’ll be bad human’s, a menace to society” but I think the opposite.
Lead by example
The most powerful tool you have as a parent, is your own choice of behavior.
Children mirror everything. From birth, they watch you. You teach them to talk by talking, you teach them to eat by eating. They can be told things, but easily forget. They are absorbing their way of being from you daily.
My thinking is, if you shout at your kids, you are teaching them to shout, instead of learning how to communicate properly. Or if you hit them when you are angry, you are teaching them to hit when they are angry. So surely, the best way to bring up thoughtful, understanding and considerate adults, is to be that for them.
‘Naughty’ or Still learning?
So is it not better, to stay calm when they are ‘naughty’? Be present and explain and help them understand why their behavior isn’t beneficial. I know when I do this, my children look straight back at me into my eyes,, they hear everything I say, and are comfortable to join in the discussion.
This approach encourages good communication, and I have noticed it between the siblings.
I’m not “too relaxed” or “too soft”, or a ‘lazy parent’according to some ‘Feral Families’ viewers. I prefer to think of myself more of a conscious guide, using brain, not brawn, and teaching just that!